Things to get a WriterStuff to get a writer
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20 most inventive gift ideas for this damn writer (No, no Moleskine)
So, you have to buy a present for a novelist, huh? That ineluctably means that you will be allowed to scratch your donkey in the center of the corridor of a Barnes & Noble as we talk and wonder which of the sacred Prifecta of Christmas writersly presents you should be up for pony: Barnes & Noble greeting cards, a moleskin or a discounted paper.
Unfortunately nothing says: "I haven't thought about it and it annoys me that I have to get you something", like a greeting cards and, well, the other? that you' re the only one in her book.
So as a pro author, I thought I'd take it upon myself to make a little bit of a listing of what the authors really want. to the author.... spiritual reason. You know how difficult it is to spell when you have four sparrows, three chickens and a grey macaw in a bulb that barks all tag?
The most cool thing you could ever buy for a novelist? - in a small, tranquil shop in your town, so they can go on their own mini-writers' retreat. It' a great way to get to know each other. Present the author.... her own words.
Which are they most proud of? Whenever you look up from your grind to see the one line that began it all, who doesn't want to be remembered for its brilliant appearance? Gimme the author a rub, for Christ's sakes. You know what it's like to be in a seat that's definitely not ergonomically optimised, ducked for up to 14hrs while you squint your scapulas and squint at a silly little dark curser while it's blinking at you?
Present the author.... your power. If you are looking to find out what kind of work they are trying to release, and do some research to get a handpicked listing of top books agencies in this category, along with their full listing of contacts & template styles, and then compiling them all together and have it on beautiful letterhead paper and hardcover with loving.... or a stitching machine.
This would also work for something like a top 50 listing of editors who would like their work, or even a top listing of the blogs where they should really be featured...and proposals on corners for items they could throw. Speaking of a wow-thoughtful present.
Gifts of your own words to the author. Look, authors are authors because at one point they thought pages were porno. We--we just adore physics textbooks. Gimme the author the present..... a consultation with a frahling. It' a novelist's vision to have a way to have the brains of someone in the business who can help lead their work at every step, or even have their work checked.
Present the author....a fun, very personal, handmade set of e-mail autoresponders. It' great for any period when they have a writer's jam, are angry with themselves, delay write, are actually occupied with write, go to the bottom of the typing area ('no eating or running or movement or sunlight') for week after week, or, you know, just feel like a nod.
They can have them sketched & imprinted & wrapped in a funny little present, or you can make a digit writing they can just popping into their intrinsic caned answers...and start using immediately. Or you can always take a short cut and give them LOVE, BUSINESS OWNER access: a clever, browseable data base of more than 300 notes for every call you don't want to think for an hours about how to say nice, professional or tactful.
Present the author with....one of these unusual digitally designed pens and blocksets. The first thing they'll do is practise autographing for books over and over again, then immediately store it in Photoshop and attach it to the end of every e-mail they send from now until the end of it.
Provide the author with the present of....one of the following applications. Provide the author with the present of a....audible membership. Whenever we have to do ordinary things like driving places and eating things for the mere fact that it disrupts our read and write times, we are always angry because the facts are being made known.
Gimme the author the present of.... some bombastic ear plugs. Thing #1 that a novelist can't bear is that the words in his own mind are broken by other people's babbling silliness. Present the author with the present of.... SmartBiz. Does your author think about launching a copyrights firm? The second is a handwritten map that lets them know you've added them to the Sentences & Money alert mailing lists, my line of work for new and upcoming authors who want to make a lot of cash with what they like the most: words.
Present the author.... hot legs. After all, heats are really crap, and every author in the whole wide planet should have one. Gimme the author the present of.... a dry clean. Who' s got a minute to finish the next big US novel when you' re too much occupied tidying up the breadcrumbs?
No one has got a minute for that. Gimme the author the present of... inner revenge. Gimme the author the present of... laughing. Put the author the present of....zero stress to do something other than type. THAT COULD BE THE BEST PRESENT OF ALL TIMES. Gimme the author the present of....more brush. This way they don't have to waste 800 hrs exploring what they want to post about if they just WRIT.
Gimme the author the present of... kalligraphy. I used calligraphic inks and the most beautiful vellum card to make all our Christmas postcards when I was a little boy, and to this date there is something about the beauties and arts of the writing words..... not the writing world. Every author - unless he is an arrogant hermit - will like this present.
It' the Mod Laptop, and it's a beautiful piece of jotter that synchronizes your typing with the clouds (it's almost 2015!), which is great for the author who wants to get out and write outside for a while without losing sight of the monitor..... or having to transmit all his jotted memos later.