Short Story CritiqueCriticism of short stories
It' been a delight reading your novel The X Game. When I criticize your novel, I start reading it as a readership, then again as an editorial. Though you may occasionally find bubble commentaries in the electronical script, most of my feedbacks are summarised here in this review.
I' ll conclude this criticism with my drafting suggestions and concluding words. It has all the features of a classical nightmare story. Right from the start, the lead figure, a head of a mystical order, turns off the system of safety inside the castle and immediately points out to the readers that the hero is about to do something hidden.
At the end of the blog it becomes clear from the tropics that it is a gothic story and that from now on it will only get even more bad - in a tasty, exciting way. Meetings - with a mystical beast and an assault of a wolf - keep the story going and make it easier for the readers to read.
There is a risk that a demanding ghoul reading will not find much new and new. I think that's what you have here.
He is a clear and eloquent person who does not hesistate to act, talk or run away (if necessary). It is the excitement between the common and the unusual that interests the readers. I would like to know, as a readership, how the protagonists reacts and deals with everything that happens to them.
Sometimes subtile words and actions can be just as powerful to convey anxiety, terror and rage. It does a little thing about the share-vampers you see in movie and film. I would like to know more about him as a readership, what he has done in the past and what he is hoping to correct his past sin.
You decided to start writing in Third-Person Ltd. POV, beginning with Egri, and then switch to Marlo's in part two. The opening section is night, there is a mansion, a gloomy wood, heavy breezes and rains. So as a readership, I wonder if it was an isolation of windy and rainy days in the woods?
Vocals are in part how personalities talk and how the story is made. The most blatant inconsistence in the vocal expression lies in the leader's dictum. Usually he talks in the modern style (as most folks today speak), but sometimes he changes to a more official and ancient style, which makes me stop as a readership because it's as if another vocal has gained the upper hand.
In some cases this doesn't work in the story and the operation fizzles out (see pages 44 & 52). There is no effective way to convey the fear and terror of the scene - and the terror depends greatly on time and speed to frighten the people. Therefore, I suggest that you re-write these areas while watching the pace and time to produce surprises, horrors and fear - the characteristic emotion in the fictional fear.
The most of my testimonials have already been given, but to sum up here, I think what you have been writing is a modern Gothic ghost story that, with some refinement, will undoubtedly find eager followers of generefiction. And if so, you may need to reconsider the tropics and motives you use and imagine this story differently to astonish and please the more discerning readership of the fictional ghast.
Then the next move would be either to present this to an operative (who specialises in fictional horror) or to release himself if that is your will. When you choose self-publication, I suggest that you have your text edited and proof-read before publishing to make sure your text is error-free. It' been a real treat working on your work, My Hollywood.
I have learnt a lot as a readership about the influence of consumption cultures on woman and the associated empty female ideal. Your writing is a clever, funny and sincere part, a part that young girls can identify with today. Your work will talk to many girls struggling with the same problems you once had to face [....] in the progression of becoming a sexy Hollywood.
Below you will find an outline of the strength and weakness of your script and editing suggestions for revising it. Prepare to make some more audits, with each audit taking your books nearer to achieving your goals and fulfilling your visions. Your time line is a little confused with a postcollege section of your lives before a section on your school years.
In this case it is better to tell your story in chronological order to give your textbook an order. Splitting your script into three files works well. The first act after the introduction section is good. I would move section 6 to Act II because it's your collegiate years, not high schools.
Concerning the third act, consider beginning it in section 18 - this is after your time as a screenwriter. A satisfactory bell for the end of Act II is rung in the last movement of Chapter 17 and goes beautifully to Chapter 18. Also I propose to split section 4 into two distinct sections (see page 28 of your manuscript). ....
It' simple to describe yourself in emotional terms and let this feeling flow into the analyses. It is a challenging task to remain impartial while at the same tweaking things that are important to you. If there is too much subject matter in the writer, the writer looses authenticity. Can see that in your work.
It is a ploy to start in the third party to review yourself, then to start rewriting later in the first. First of all, by typing in a third party, you can see yourself as a personality that you can see without judgement and with a sense of inquisitiveness and understanding. Doing this would take a lot of work on your part, but it is a way that some memorists use when they autobiograph.
When you don't like this approach, just think about it when you are writing about yourself with impartiality and empathy. but what I mean is, when you are writing about your faults and weaknesses, try to do so without judging. Allow the facts to talk for themselves.
That is, do not tell the readers what to think/feel/judge about you and let them see/judge for themselves. It' okay sometimes when you keep it short and sweet. However I did notice opportunities when ideas/topics included early in the books are dealt with again and in detail. I have marked these areas and suggest either deleting them or moving them to an appropriate section or section.
She has a clever, cheeky and funny written part, and communicates your distinctive character. But there are moments when your voices are too emotive and judgement. These are three simple tips to mitigate your writing: Re-assemble the phrase without them and see if the phrase is softer and clear.
If you come across a phrase that conveys an idea, a sentiment or a judgement, ask yourself: "Is that so? They have some very good writings in this work. Since this is a development step and not an editorial step, I have not edited the style, unless I occasionally thought it would be useful to show you how to rework a phrase or section.
Now that you are revising your text, you see where you can sharpen a phrase or section to make what you say more clear and concise. "Look at Orenstein doing it in her novel Cinderella at My Daughter (I have screenshots from the back of her novel appended to my email).
Next up is the overhaul. Once you have finished a review, I suggest you have a few betaservers ( "people who fit your perfect reader") to review your design and give you comment. Then, rework your text and, if necessary, rework it and sharing it with an editorial journalist (myself or another editor) for an evaluation.
When your script is finished, i.e. it does not need further editing, it is available for editing. Copyediting is editing line by line to make your font look smooth and professional.